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Appointment setting advice.

Hi, I just started working for a new company called LocalLife, I set appointments for outside sales reps and was curious to know what you guys think about my script. Any advice is much appreciated.

Once I get the decision maker on the phone:
Yes, hi there this is JoeBob speaking with LocalLife San Diego. Just giving you a courtesy call to let you know we're updating our database in ____ and offering all businesses in your area a complimentary listing in our directory. We get about 3 million hits in San Diego per month, we recently partnered up with the Padres as well as the top 4 radio stations in San Diego and if it's not so much trouble I've been asked to call you to find out if there's a good time when _____ one of our reps could stop by for about 10 minutes to introduce our company and set it up for you? -

I've only been working here a week so I'm still working on it but, I could use some help. Nobody here at work is really willing to help out, they in essence just gave me a desk and told me to start making calls once I feel comfortable. So, any input on what I could do or say to make more appointments would be really helpful. Thanks.

(edit: This might help, the appointments I'm setting are sales presentations for our outside reps, everything takes about 10 minutes, not obligated to purchase anything, and they still get a free listing in our directory. We are kind of like a Yellow Pages for San Diego, only we use social media as well as all the conventional ways of advertising.) - by Hitbuster
What is your current call to appointment rate with this script? - by helisell
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