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Script Help Please!

Just came from this thread - http://www.salespractice.com/forums/t-10843.html - where excellent advice was given, and hoping to benefit from the support of this community.

Here's what I have now, and I'm going to re-work it this minute based on what I read in the above thread.

Your help is VERY MUCH appreciated!!

Hi [NAME], this is Joshua with Reliable Receptionist in WALNUT CREEK. We are a high-tech REMOTE RECEPTIONIST service.

We sent you a postcard recently, have you seen it?

I’m just calling to see if you’ve ever lost an opportunity because a client call went to voicemail?

We make sure every call is answered live and professionally, so you can concentrate on the task at hand. We actually work with a lot of [BUSINESS TYPE] here in the East Bay, and have helped them increase profits by scheduling appointments with callers that usually hang up on voicemail.

Who usually answers the phone now?

Please give us a call at 925.627.4200, or check out our website at RELIABLERECEPTIONIST.COM.

Thanks!
- by Phateless
IF you have local clients in the same industry and can use their names then I would add them like so:

"We actually work with a lot of [BUSINESS TYPE] here in the East Bay such as [customer name 1] and [customer name 2]"

It adds credibility - by DaveB
Thanks Dave.

Based on the advice given in the other thread, I've revised my script to this. Looking for input.

Hi [NAME], my name is Joshua Resneck, and I’m calling from RELIABLE RECEPTIONIST in WALNUT CREEK.
We have a unique remote receptionist service that we are offering to customer-service-based companies.

Essentially, we make sure every call is answered live, keep callers out of voicemail, and make our clients more money. May I call you at a specific time so I can give you a brief overview of how it works, at the very least we’ll see if it might be a good fit for your company.

I know you’re busy. How about tomorrow? What time is good for you?
- by Phateless
Phateless...

Why don't you (or someone in the company) write a report on how businesses can make a lot more profit by having great phone coverage.

Then call prospects by saying:

Hi....we've written a great (12 page) report that helps businesses like yours make a lot more profit by having advanced call handling strategies. The report is completely free and I can send it out to you today if you'd be interested in maximising your company profits in these hard times?

All I need to know is who to address the envelope to...is it normally you who would deal with this kind of thing or (who is the person most responsible for increasing profits at your company?)

The you can do a follow up call in a day or two to the person you addressed the report to. - by helisell
Phateless, you may be interested in a short list I recently compiled for a project. It consists of 11 wordings that I recommend never be used in an approach to a prospective buyer.
  • I’m going to be in your neighborhood…
  • Recently I found your card on my desk…
  • I help businesses like yours…
  • I work with businesses like yours…
  • I’ve helped businesses increase their bottom line…
  • I’m calling to get your opinion on…
  • …two minutes of your time…
  • I’ve been asked to call you…
  • This is a courtesy call…
  • I have done some research on your company and…
  • I know you’re busy…
- by Gary A Boye
Phateless...

Why don't you (or someone in the company) write a report on how businesses can make a lot more profit by having great phone coverage.

Then call prospects by saying:

Hi....we've written a great (12 page) report that helps businesses like yours make a lot more profit by having advanced call handling strategies. The report is completely free and I can send it out to you today if you'd be interested in maximising your company profits in these hard times?

All I need to know is who to address the envelope to...is it normally you who would deal with this kind of thing or (who is the person most responsible for increasing profits at your company?)

The you can do a follow up call in a day or two to the person you addressed the report to.
I like that idea, and will try to commit some time to this over the summer when I'm only working full-time, not working full-time and going to school two nights a week.

Phateless, you may be interested in a short list I recently compiled for a project. It consists of 11 wordings that I recommend never be used in an approach to a prospective buyer.
  • I’m going to be in your neighborhood…
  • Recently I found your card on my desk…
  • I help businesses like yours…
  • I work with businesses like yours…
  • I’ve helped businesses increase their bottom line…
  • I’m calling to get your opinion on…
  • …two minutes of your time…
  • I’ve been asked to call you…
  • This is a courtesy call…
  • I have done some research on your company and…
  • I know you’re busy…
Thanks for these. What do you recommend as a strategy to avoid these phr