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Fear of Rejection vs. Not Wanting Rejection

Fear of rejection is a term that has a different meaning from "not wanting rejection", although certainly the two can coincide.

In, sales, and specifically in sales, not all people have a fear of rejection. Those that don't might very well fear rejection in other areas of life. AND--it could be argued that anyone, in either case, who wants rejection would have some serious underlying issues best served by professional help.

My question is this, relating only to sales. Is the behavior pattern, and activity pattern, usually different between those who fear rejection, and those that don't want rejection (avoiding it)?

Think about it? - by Gary A Boye
Well I struggle with all the time and I would say there is certainly a distinction.

A person can have a fear and still work through it and this can really be the distinction between someone who is successful in a given area and someone who isn't.

For example, does it really matt - by kenpo1980
Gary- a topic probably not spoken about enough -FEAR- False Events Arent Real..Probably one of the biggest stumbling blocks in the sales process. I believe it is more common than spoken about whether on this forum or within sales meetings possibly due to embarassment.

many times i've asked salesman who came from a prospects meeting why the sale wasn't made and more times than not it came down to fear related. Not following up, asking the right questions, not asking for the sale, etc- all Fear related. Not always but with some salemans a very common theme.

My thoughts are that for the most part avoiding rejection and fearing rejection pretty much go hand in hand. However, i am sure that is not entirely true for everyone. Fear in the sales arena can be overcome with good coaching - by libbycop
Who wants rejection?

I have seen people who will avoid rejection by not asking for the sale or add on sales.

I know people who do not want rejection and have done something about rejection such as learning skills to gain commitment. I do not want my proposal to meet with rejection however I am not avoiding rejection. My belief is I will not get what I do not ask to receive and when I do not ask then my customer will not be satisfied. To do this a compelling message must be communicated and accepted by the customer.

I view fear of rejection as not facing rejection thusly avoiding rejection. - by rich34232
Who wants rejection?

I have seen people who will avoid rejection by not asking for the sale or add on sales.

I know people who do not want rejection and have done something about rejection such as learning skills to gain commitment. I do not want my proposal to meet with rejection however I am not avoiding rejection. My belief is I will not get what I do not ask to receive and when I do not ask then my customer will not be satisfied. To do this a compelling message must be communicated and accepted by the customer.

I view fear of rejection as not facing rejection thusly avoiding rejection.
On this topic, Rich, what percentage of your time in a typical workweek do you spend cold call prospecting? For instance, let's say in a 50-60 hour week, would it be 35 hours, 30, 20---how many? - by Gary A Boye
On this topic, Rich, what percentage of your time in a typical workweek do you spend cold call prospecting? For instance, let's say in a 50-60 hour week, would it be 35 hours, 30, 20---how many?
Gary this would be determined by your definition of cold calling. If it is arriving at a new client’s home or business then 50% of my time is spent cold calling. This can change week to week depending on the type of customer such as referral, repeat, or new customer. This past week every customer I visited was a new customer to our company and found us in the yellow pages, web site, or people I met at two recent networking events. I consider people that have never used us in the past as a cold call. - by rich34232
Gary this would be determined by your definition of cold calling. If it is arriving at a new client’s home or business then 50% of my time is spent cold calling. This can change week to week depending on the type of customer such as referral, repeat, or new customer. This past week every customer I visited was a new customer to our company and found us in the yellow pages, web site, or people I met at two recent networking events. I consider people that have never used us in the past as a cold call.
cold call n. A telephone call or visit made to someone who is not known or not expecting contact, often in order to sell something.
Based on that popularly accepted definition, and on this topic, Rich, what percentage of your time in a typical workweek do you spend cold call prospecting? For instance, let's say in a 50-60 hour week, would it be 35 hours, 30, 20---how many?

The reason I bring this up is that fear of rejection in sales manifests mostly in cold calling. I could not decipher how such fear could manifest in plumbing sales calls--although I guess anything's possible.
- by Gary A Boye
Sure it does exist in plumbing sales. The plumber refuses to suggest a better or higher end fixture due to fearing the customer will say no to their proposal. Dropping the price because the customer may say no to the price, offering a lower price solution due to not wanting to hear a no. Not proposing additional sales due to thinking the customer may say no. It is almost like a fear of the sale.

Happens quite frequently in the trades. - by rich34232
Sure it does exist in plumbing sales. The plumber refuses to suggest a better or higher end fixture due to fearing the customer will say no to their proposal. Dropping the price because the customer may say no to the price, offering a lower price solution due to not wanting to hear a no. Not proposing additional sales due to thinking the customer may say no. It is almost like a fear of the sale.

Happens quite frequently in the trades.
I personally would differentiate between fear and lack of confidence (justified or not), the latter being more akin to what you describe. - by Gary A Boye
absolutely agreed but it is still a part of fear.It derives from being told no from the customer in the past and the sales technician's have lost confidence and refuse to ask due to the fear of hearing a no. Instead they go after the low hanging fruit to maintain thier low self confidence which is at an all time high.

The same principles apply to sales in the trades as in any other type of sales.The trades have the same issues,concerns as any other type sale including b2b. There are people that have cycles to their purchasing especially high dollar jobs,budgets,competition. I would venture to say a lack of confidence is the main reason why people fail with their sales efforts.


It stops a person from wanting and learning more
It keeps people at the same plateau living in contentment with the status quo
It keeps people from asking questions
It keeps people from reaching thier full potential
and many more drawbacks to a lack of confidence. - by rich34232
I would venture to say a lack of confidence is the main reason why people fail with their sales efforts.
I'll start a thread on that thought and see if there is anybody who might agree with that statement--or disagree? - by Gary A Boye
when I first started I feared "No"s. Then, I realized, people were also saying "yes" so I started to ignore the "No"s although there are a lot more "no"s that "YES"s I am certainly thinking a lot more on the positive side and therefore the "no"s almost disappeared. - by corinapo
Fear of rejection is a term that has a different meaning from "not wanting rejection", although certainly the two can coincide.

In, sales, and specifically in sales, not all people have a fear of rejection. Those that don't might very well fear rejection in other areas of life. AND--it could be argued that anyone, in either case, who wants rejection would have some serious underlying issues best served by professional help.

My question is this, relating only to sales. Is the behavior pattern, and activity pattern, usually different between those who fear rejection, and those that don't want rejection (avoiding it)?

Think about it?

From our research, not all "no's" are created equal because our intrinsic qualities are not equal.

Shame is the result of Being someone other than yourself, while Guilt is Doing something beyond your normal behavior.

Rejection, occurs when someone inadvertently reminds you of either.

Some of us later feel Shame after losing control and yelling at someone. The Shame is losing control in front of witnesses.

Some of us may feel Guilty after saying the wrong thing to someone, causing them discomfort in the moment.

Fear of rejection occurs as the fear of Being and the fear of Doing something contradictory to our inner sense of self.

Just think of all the "no's" we hear each day but they just roll off our backs as if nothing happened.

Many for example, cannot cause others struggle. When someone says "no" the agent may feel moving forward will cause the prospect struggle and they are the cause of this struggle. The agent must avoid Shame and Guilt and fears the the next encounter.

Causing struggle for this person is antithetical to who they are on a deeper level. A "no" is like saying to this person: you have no value because you are Doing or Being Wrong.

So, everyone seems to fear their particular brand of rejection and everyone has one. The key is to learn and define your inner identity to avoid this from happening. - by John Voris
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