Controlling The Conversation: Is It Ethical?

Julian

I disagree. Surely sales is a partnership and our role is to help the person buy. As I see it, short of putting a gun to someones head and forcing them to sign the deal, there is little "control" from the salesperson's perspective.

Also, buyers resort to price objections when we havent done our job correctly. If we are truly working from the buyers perspective, price objections fade away. Trust me on this one. I do it all the time. I can clearly tell when I am trying to get a deal done for me rather than helping my buyer when the price objection comes up. Its a great check.

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Lucrum gaudium

tom behr

Wow. This post certainly got us going. Here’s my two cents worth. Sorry this is a bit long, but this is a tough question.

How do you “control” a customer? Sure, you can use questions to direct a conversation − if it’s a one-way conversation (heading your way). But if it’s a sales dialogue, then the customer will be contributing his or her own sense of direction. So if you’re trying to control things, what do you do then? Ignore the customer?

If you’re really interested in “controlling” customers, read Kevin Hogan and James Speakman’s Covert Persuasion (Wiley & Sons, 2006). Bottom line: with the right techniques, it’s possible to manipulate (some? most?) people’s subconscious decision-making process to get what you want. That’s not news. Hitler and Goebbels were really effective at it. But it is ethical? And knowing that you could do it (if you master the techniques), do you want to? The authors duck those questions in their book, but I think they’re the right questions.

Ethics first: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” How many of us would be comfortable knowing that someone was trying to manipulate our thinking to influence us to do what they want?

Now practicality: Even if you can manipulate customers, how long before they figure out they’ve been “had?” Once they feel they’ve been used, what happens to the relationship?

Finally, I have a lot of trouble with the idea that it’s OK for me to manipulate customers’ decision-making “if it’s for their benefit” as some of the respondents to this post appear to believe. That strikes me as self-manipulation.

So maybe “control” is the wrong question. What happens if the sales call is about win/win collaboration? (If it’s truly about win/win, then the customer’s you want to work with won’t head right for price.)

Psychological techniques (like those Hogan and Speakman discuss, or like NLP practices) are powerful. Suppose you use them openly and candidly with customers so they know they aren’t being manipulated?

Marcus

"Controlling" the conversation with questions is commonplace in probably every sales training book I've read. I can't see so many sales trainers suggesting manipulation so there must be a communication gap.

pmccord

The question as to whether it is ethical to control--or even possible--a sales situation depends upon what you mean.

There are some who advocate using manipulation to control a prospect. That tends to be a "soft" hard-sell where the salesperson is trying to direct a person to a particular decision, whether the prospect likes it or not, without the prospect realizing he or she is being "forced" in that direction.

But there is another type of controlling the conversation which is how most sales trainers use the term. Controlling a conversation is keeping it on track--not allowing the conversation to go off into meaningless tangents and not allowing the prospect to make a decision before they have all of the information they need to make a decision. That isn't manipulation in any sense of the word. It is focus, it is giving the sales presentation discipline and it is putting as much information in front of the prospect as they need to make an informed decision. If at that point, the prospect doesn't feel they have enough information, they'll ask questions--or decline. A declination may simply mean they need additional information or that they didn't understand something--or, it may mean no. That is something the salesperson on the spot must find out.

Again, this isn't to say that there aren't trainers who advocate manipulating people because there certainly are. But that doesn't go for everyone who advocates controlling the conversation. If you can't keep the conversation on track, you're going to be in for many long presentations (meaningless conversations) with prospects who decline the offer.

Just take a look a sales manager who doesn't control the sales meeting--they go on forever with lots of tangents and nothing accomplished--and everyone wishing that it would just end.

Or a professor who doesn't control the class--a wasted hour of chaos.

Is the sales manger who maintains control of the sales meeting manipulating all the salespeople in attendance? Is the prof who maintains control of the class manipulating the students? Or are they simply directing the meeting or the class to a reasonable conclusion and getting the information out in an orderly manner?

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Paul McCord
Best-selling author, Speaker, Sales Trainer, Management Consultant
Power Selling

Wonderboy

I believe that this advice given to me was meant to push (not direct) people into buying or whatever the issue is (my philosophy is to give the customer freedom to say what's on his mind. If it's not on business and when the customer stops talking, only then will I try to redirect him to the business at hand).

Wonderboy

"...you're going to be in for many long presentations (meaningless conversations) with prospects who decline the offer." Not my experience.

tom behr

Hi Marcus
There’s no doubt that sales authors and trainers talk about control. (I agree with pmmcord that guiding a conversation is not equivalent with controlling a conversation, so long as the guiding is open and collaborative). But that’s not what “control” often means. Here are some samples from leading sales books and training programs:

• “If you want to maximize your earnings in sales and feel good about calling yourself a salesperson, you’ll need to control every sales call.”
• “The professional salesperson…is always in control, [and] patiently waits for “the kill.”
• “Here are the things you seek to accomplish when you ask questions of prospects or clients. First, you ask questions to gain, and maintain, control.”
• “Don’t give [customers] a chance to think, or the answer they come up with may not be the one [you] want.”

So yes, there’s a communication gap – two of them, actually. One is between the people who “teach” us how to succeed in sales by making customers do what we want –and what we know when we are the customer – we don’t want to be controlled. The other is between us and our customers when we say “I’m here to help you” but what we really mean is “I’m here to use you.”


The disconnect is so great that it’s no wonder people who teach (and practice) controlling customers can slide easily into denial of what their common sense and integrity tell them.


“If we believe that [we have to control others in order to experience success], then we cannot hope for anything except what we already have—a treadmill of effort and life-destroying stress.”
Margaret Wheatley, Leadership and the New Science

Wonderboy

You can try googling "controlling the conversation" for further discussion on this topic.

tom behr

Hi all-
I don't mean to carry on here, but I did as suggested and googled "Controlling the Conversation" and clicked on "Stay in Control of the Conversation."
Here was the advice from timsalesmlmtrainingnews:

You: “Well, I have something that may help you achieve _______.”
Prospect: “Oh really. How so?”
You: “Well, I’m glad you asked. I have a video that will answer your question. Would you prefer to receive a DVD or would you like something on the Internet you can look at right now?”

IF I thought I really had an unmet need, and IF I felt the salesperson wasn't just after the order, and IF I wasn't too P'Od at such a blatant, tired old sales tactic, I might go to the internet, for about a minute. More likely, I'd just tell him to get lost. But maybe that's just me. What would you do?

AZBroker

Agreed.


Jackpot!