By beat selling author, Tim Connor, CSP
In one of my latest books, OK God What’s Next I included a section on how people invalidate others in relationships. A validator is someone who contributes to the feelings of well being, self image, motivation, positive attitudes, self esteem, and success of another person. An in-valuator tears down one or all of the above. Here are a few ways you can validate people to improve your motivation as well as theirs and the relationship in general. (whether they are a spouse, children, friend, relative, customer, fellow employee. Some are more appropriate than others depending on the relationship you have with them)
1. Listen to them.
2. Ask their opinion.
3. Ask them questions on what they just said.
4. Be on time for meetings or obligations.
5. Don’t interrupt them while they are talking.
6. See the positives in them.
7. Accept them for who they are as well as who they are becoming.
8. Forgive them for errors of any kind.
9. Believe in them.
10. Support them emotionally.
11. Spend focused time with them.
12. Communicate with them.
13. Offer help when you know they want it but won’t ask for it.
14. Compliment them for something, anything, everything.
15. Focus on their desires, wants and needs not just your own.
16. Surprise them with something: a card, a call, a letter, a visit.
17. Don’t judge their opinions.
18. Don’t try and change them.
19. Give them a hug. Two hugs.
20. Look them in the eye while they are talking.
21. Be interested in them
22. Smile at them.
23. Thank them for their smile. Their thoughtfulness. For remembering. For
caring.
24. Respect them for where they are in life and what they are learning, and who they are becoming.
25. Keep in touch with them.
26. Hug them more often.
27. Spend more time with them.
28. Have empathy for their circumstances.
29. Meet them where they are emotionally before attempting to help or save them.
30. Support them when they need a friendly ear, arm or heart.
There are many others but just starting with some of these will go a long way in helping people cope, understand, help themselves and not lose their sense of self-value and self-confidence.
People like to be around people who validate them and they dislike being around people who invalidate them. Which are you most of the time? This should give you a good start. But don’t just rely on these, why not come up with some of your own
